why i might consider gegen?
Because, right now, at this point in my life where i believe stronger, safer, i feel more lost, misguided and pointless.
Becouse believing that i go to good port, i only see dark ports, lonely with streetlights burned out.
And im confused and i know i shall never agree with myself 100%. And i need not to be. And i cant be.
Becouse i need a constant war against myself, and shoot me, kill me again and again, hurt me, destroy my self. And is just then when i feel good. Not before, not aftair. Just when i am on the battlefield i feel good.
Because in my dreams im always the hunter and in my reality the bad guy.
Because the molral exhausts me. Choking me and depresses me.
And because im always chased and attacked by words and ideas as if they were living beings, and i cant look at their faces or eyes, because they have no faces, no eyes. They are just words and ideas with thousand of teeth.
And because i have to live in a moment in history which rewards the democratic dictatorship of the normalization, and if you are not in it, you have no roots, no place, no land, no borders and all is huge and dark and nothing pleases you and nothing belongs you.
And because i beleive that the spelling, dialectic, syntax and semantics are against all rational thought that comes to my head.